Bothering Chruch-Goers [Open +Francis]

[Dr. House]

House didn't like organized reilgion as a whold. For the most part he considered it just one big sham after the other. First we've got immaculate conception and then the baby's curing leprosy five pages later; it was just too much. And he pitied anyone who could seriously beleive something so illogical word for word and then turn around and say running around naked or killing babies was rediculous. They were rediculous. So House that it was only fair that he be just a little bit rediculous in return. Francis (the chaplain) was out for a while, though House had no idea when he'd be coming back in House was determined to have some fun while the old fart was gone.

A couple of people two woman and one couple had gathered in the back and seemed to be expecting some kind of sermon. House was only too happy to deliver searching through the bottom shelf he found a bible and flipped to the beginning, and said in his best preacher voice. "In the beginning there was nothing. And then came the Turtle."

House, when he put his mind to it really was an excellent actor, and his eyes shimmered and glazed with almost fake tears. "And that Turtle gave us all brains, but some of us, those wicked wicked sinners chose not to beleive in His Shellyness."

Most people were paying attention now their heads turned up, the couple in the back who before were kneeled in reverent prayr looked up startled as if they didn't understand what he was saying. "And to those sinners he gave the curse upon them a disease and sent them to be treated by idiot doctors who goeth by the name of Niqueh and Anvil and other such error-riden fools."

"But to them fools who hath the weirdest and most intersting diseases he did offer a doctor, and they called him House. And he was great."

[Seonaid McLean]

Atheists had no place in a church, not even a chapel. So, what possessed her to wander into this one? Dressed in polar fleece tracksuit pants of dark grey and a black t-shirt bearing the words: LIEBE IST KRIEG; Seonaid McLean felt compelled to at least take a look into the chapel.

Well, in retrospect, it was probably the words "His Shellyness" that came from within. Surely that couldn't be a real pastor, reverand.... or whoever stood up there and pompously told everyone that they were going to hell because they'd sinned. The words themselves made her smile, just a soft smile that barely creased her fine cheekbones.

Her pale skin stood out even more with her lack of contact with the sun. She'd been shut up in this place for nearly a week now after collapsing at work. She, personally, had been quick to dismiss it as simply overheating. It wasn't unusual when one worked in a greenhouse, where temperatures could rise quickly and stay high. But, she had been told that she'd had an allergic reaction to something or other, but no one knew what.

Stopping just inside the doors, Seonaid leaned against the door frame. She watched this..... 'preacher' for a long moment, a smirk twisting on her thin lips.

"And, just who, deemed this Doctor House so great?"
she asked in a loud voice.
"Or is he simply his own prophet?"

[Father Francis Jameson]

"They say the Priest who boasts has a congregation of one."

Francis had arrived a few moments late for the mid-afternoon chapel service. He had been visiting a patient when she took a turn for the worse and passed on. He had waited for the woman's family to arrive and offer a few words of peace before heading to the chapel.

As he walked down the hallway and heard a rather familier booming voice, he had a guess as to what was possessing his chapel. When he reached the door and opened it, his assumptions were confirmed; House was leading the service, making a mockery of himself and of the Church as usual.

"You know..." He said starting to walk down the central aisle, "...I can never remember the Saint who said, and I quote, ' I clearly long for the days of old, when men of science could easily be burned at the stake'. You know, ladies and gentlemen, it is your elected officials who can make that Saint's quote true."

Francis had now reached the front of the room where the Altar and small podium rested. "Dr.House, I recommend that you return to the operating room where your expertise is appreciated. You are a wonderful doctor, but quite frankly, old bean, you are a piss-poor Chaplain."

[Dr. House]

"Why the great Turtle of course. His own profit? No one wants a cripple jesus, of course I am not my own profit. I am but a humble servant of the great turtle," House said making a odd gesture of humility by bowing his head not looking at the voice. He then noticed it was young woman, fairly pretty but decidedly too young for him. "And nay you sinner do deny the word of such a great omnipotent being, his wrath does gleameth like the horrible purple prose of that other falsify book created by the evil rabbits. They call it the bible."

By now most people were beginning to leave, the couple having long already filed up. One of the people, a man looking to be in his mid-thirties mumbled something about a horrible lack of security in the psych ward as he left. House grinned an eeire grin that lit up his face like cheap christmass lights. And then of course Francis had to return and ruin his fun. "Even those evil follows of the rabbit cannot help but acknowledge the power that the great doctor hath in the hospital," and then dropping the affected manner and stepping off the podium beginning to limp away he continued. "Which is where he happen to be now, /Chaplain./"

[Seonaid McLean]

"Ah, well, great and mighty House, if it was His Shellyness that deemed you so worthy of praise, honor and worship, then that makes everything all better, doesn't it?"
Seonaid retorted, her eyes lighting with the prospect of a challenge. Conversations with this man could definitely get interesting.

"I mean, after all, that's what we're all looking for in life. A doctor who has been put in place to save lives....... by a turtle! Yes, a turtle! Not another doctor who realizes that this man has talent and ability, but a turtle! An insignificant creature who couldn't tell a scalpel from an asswipe to save it's own sorry life!"

Agh! She hated doctors! Despised them with every neuron in her body. Almost as much as she hated religious leaders. Oh, look at that. Now there's one of each in the same room. Well, this just kept getting better and better, didn't it?

[Dr. House]

"Not for sinners like him it doesn't," House proclaimed loudly pointing a long particularily bony finger at the chaplan. However the ruse was beginning to bow to his misinthrope anti-social nature, and House quickly, and almost quitely began to vacate the scene, not before stopping and turning around, looking at her.

She looked familiar, and then it clicked. "Rediculous isn't it, almost as rediculous as a man curing leprosy with no antibiotics, but hey people have faith so I do the tour."

[Seonaid McLean]

"Blind faith in mortal man, or anything else, will only lead to the downfall of the human race,"
Seonaid retorted sharply. She stopped just short of crossing her arms and placing herself challengingly in front of him.
"Those with power to do what's right, get so intoxicated by the fact they have control over others, that they forget what's right and worth fighting for. But, in the end, that control is only an illusion. How can you control what you know nearly nothing about? Now, I know science has unraveled nearly everything about human bodies, but that's not what I'm talking about. People are unpredictable. Their psyche's are near unfathomable. There could a million reasons or none at all for why we do and say the things we do. Power and control are just more ego-inflating dreams that men so desperately cleave to. And yet, these leaders ask us to overlook all their shortcomings in order that they, the mighty and powerful, might lead us into a better future. And we end up with are broken promises."

Undaunted by the fact that most people would take offence to what she would have to say, Seonaid simply stared at House, waiting to see what he had to say in reply. After all, a man like him almost always had to have the last word. Or at least some sharp remark to exit upon.

[Dr. House]

"Too late sweetcheeks we've already fallen," he said sweetly back to his old misinthropic non-preaching ways. He stopped and leaned against one of the pews making sure to put his weight on his other leg so as not to strain his leg after such an already long time standing. "I'm a doctor not a politician. And people as a whole are idiots, or suicidal. I prefer to think the former but either way idiocy and suicide aren't hard to comprehend mostly because the first compels the second." He continued limping out until he was at the door, really not in the mood to deal with a patient that really wasn't his patient.
"And I'm assuming right now that you are suicidal, walking around after collapsing without the doctors having any clue--" He cocked his head and then looked at her in a different way a possible patient perhaps.

"What were you dong when you fell down?"

[Seonaid McLean]

She bristled instantly. Sweetcheeks?! No one used those kinds of words with her. Okay, so she wasn’t the full-blown feminist who marched around every so often waving banners about equal rights. But, still.... sweetcheeks, to her, was a fairly derogative term.

Still, he presented a fair argument. The general populous was pretty damned stupid. Unbelievably so. To.... as he said the point of suicide. And the suicide of one simply drove others to idiocy, and inevitably to suicide. What a vicious, bloody cycle we live in.

And, then, her temper really rose, and visibly so, as he accused her of being just like everyone else. How dare he?! He knew nothing about her! So what if she felt perfectly fine and was walking around? Since when was that against the law?

Those sharp questions died on her lips though, as he suddenly posed a question. She blinked a few times, trying to remember.
“I was doing my job, and helping the Earth breath a little better,”
she said coolly.
“I happen to be a botanist.”

[Dr. House]

"Overheating," House said blandly, all interest evaporating like mist in a summers day. It was so rediculously simple she had diagnosed it herself. The added twist that it was winter and she was collapsing of overheating was simple but nice, a quite unassuming answer, that appeared rediculous on first glance: House liked it.

"No growing Tobacco or Majauna for you then, all trees all the time? Why don't you just pack up an herbal tea for all the cancer patients. They might feel a little pain but hey they're dying anyways."

[Seonaid McLean]

That was it, she'd had it. How dare he?! He was a doctor for crying out loud! Granted, he needn't hold everyone's hand and weep as they passed on, but he could have a little more respect! After all, it was his job to save lives, wasn't it?

And, again! With those damned assumptions. Yes, she grew tobacco and weed! Definitely! That creep! And, overheating in the middle of winter. Sure! Happens all the time, doesn't it?!

Balling her hands tightly into fists, Seonaid fought back the urge to slap him right across his arrogant face. But, no... that wouldn’t be the thing to do. For now, she would suffice herself with a glare. He was such an insensitive jerk!

"For your information, it was an allergic reaction, most likely from the bite on my hand,"
she said, waving the swollen hand front of his face.
"Even a greenhouse gets cold in the winter. Not cold enough to kill all the bugs and spiders, but cold enough to prevent overheating."